Captain of My Soul

Keeping with the ship theme...

There are days when you feel like the captain of your ship.
Then there are days when you feel like the porter in 3rd class aboard the Titanic.

As I wrote last week's blog (Even the Titanic had Warning) this quote kept running though my head.

I am the master of my fate.
I am the captain of my soul.

Being the curious type I hunted down the reference and learned a little more about the poem and its author. Like many of our hymns often the back story is just as awe inspiring as the hymn itself.

The author, William Earnest Henley was a prominent publisher in the late 1800’s. Even my ancestor, Rudyard Kipling, looked to Henley to publish many of his works. History does not record if Henley was a man of faith, given the poem I’d have to say Christianity wasn’t on his radar. At the age of 12 Henley fell victim to tuberculosis of the bone. For the next 14 years Henley remained hospitalized, his diseased foot was treated by crude methods resulting in it being amputated directly below the knee. The doctors announced that the only way to save his life would be to amputate the other leg as well. Through Henley’s fight new surgical methods were developed which saved his other leg and life; he lived until the age of 54.

Here is the poem William Earnest Henley wrote while fighting for his life trapped in a hospital bed.

"Invictus"
(Latin for Unconquerable)

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of Circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeoning of Chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find me, unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

This sounds like a depressed young man that decided not to give up. He had every right to feel like the porter and not the captain.

I’ve been there!

I remain master of my fate, as I have a free will to decided and determine my course. However being an intelligent master, my course is always best left to the captain, Jesus.

How much more can I determine when Jesus is the captain of my soul?

We have the ability to call out to God for assistance in every life situation.

Rough Waters?
Calm Seas?

Did you get bad news this week? Are you feeling like the captain or the porter?

It will be okay. He is the captain of your ship.

If He isn’t, He can be.

He needs to be.

Kim Angela
Author's Note: If you need to make Him your captain and don't know how, email me. We'll talk.

Even the Titanic Was Warned

I've discovered that being the leader of anything requires a destination. I can't lead anyone or anything if I don't have an end goal. In my role as executive director there are 111 staff/clients that look to me for direction. They want to know that I am confident that our course is accurate. They need assurance that I have the skill and ability to read the compass and figure out the correct heading.

Our company is creating our next 3 to 5 year plan. Together we have been trying to set a course for our future; not everyone has the same vision for the future. While committee members have had input into the vision of our future it wasn’t until our last meeting that I realized the obvious. The future of the company needs to come from within the company, from those that feel its heartbeat everyday and travel the daily course.

There are many courses that we can choose to follow, worthy goals, each with a different set of parameters on how to get there. Someone needs to figure out which set of parameters to use. It’s my responsibility to gather quality input, crunch number, take surveys and pray. But ultimately I determine the course, lay in the heading and establish an end destination that everyone can commit to and believe in.

Why am I telling you this?

What happens if I’m not prepared to steer the ship into the future?

As I wrote this blog I came across a news article about a cruise line accident in 2006. This was the findings of the investigation into the incident.

Federal investigators blamed a crew member's steering error for sending a cruise ship into a dangerous roll shortly after it left Port Canaveral in July 2006 -- an at-sea accident that injured nearly 300 people. As the automatic pilot found its course back to New York, it started making a left turn when the person in charge on the bridge, the second officer, noticed the ship's automatic pilot needle was far to the left. The officer perceived a problem, "panicked," then took the ship out of automatic pilot thinking the meter was showing that the ship was turning too sharply to one side. But instead of turning the Crown Princess back to the right, the second officer began turning the wheel several times -- including further left instead of back the other way – causing the ship to make an even sharper left hand turn, listing nearly 24 degrees. The second officer's steering "led to vessel responses that he did not expect, did not understand and was therefore unable to correct," the National Transportation Safety Board determined after a year-and-a-half investigation.

That statement hit me between the eyes. The crew member thought (incorrectly) there was a problem. Acting upon his incorrect assumption he made the situation worse. He reacted to what he saw in front of him. He thought he had a problem and he panicked. Because he didn't understand how the system worked he thought he was steering back on course, when in reality his course was true and steady.

I’ve laid in the course, set the compass and engaged in steering the ship. With God’s help I am reading all the dials and gages properly and steering a true course.

Then the storm hits.

Here is the blog tip of the day.

When the storm hits, you need to be just as sure of your destination as when the waters were calm!

If you panic you will read the gages incorrectly and steer off course.

Proverbs 16:9 In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps.

Even the Titanic had warning of icebergs ahead.

Kim Angela

The Grateful Dead

Years ago I was driving along wondering (see previous blog: I Wonder As I Wander), reading the bumper stickers on the cars as I went by. As I zoomed past a van covered in dancing psychedelic teddy bears with red & blue skulls it hit me, -- Who exactly is the Grateful Dead?

Drugs, sex, rock n' roll, The Wall of Sound, Dead Heads, Jerry Garcia, yes I do know the band. But who are the grateful dead?

Perhaps this isn't the most spiritual, enlightened blog I've done, but this statement replays itself in my head requiring me to answer the question. Who are the grateful dead?

Here are my questions:
Do you think that everyone that dies is grateful they are dead?
Do you think everyone that has asked Jesus to come into their heart is grateful when they die?
Do you think everyone that is in heaven is grateful in the reward they have received?
Will I be grateful when I'm dead?

I can hear you rushing to the comment section. Why Kim, of course you'll be grateful, you'll be in heaven. You'll be in the presence of Jesus so nothing else will mater. You'll be to busy praising the Lord to care. I'll buy all those statements and agree with you. However...here is where it gets a little heavy.

I know that I can be saved yet l have a sinful nature that I have to overcome. I'm on that journey to overcome that nature. (See previous blog I Haven't Arrived But I've Left. )

Galatians 5:19-20 (NLT) When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, your lives will produce these evil results: sexual immorality, impure thoughts, eagerness for lustful pleasure, idolatry, participation in demonic activities, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, divisions, the feeling that everyone is wrong except those in your own little group, envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other kinds of sin.

We may not be struggling with wild orgies, but notice Paul lumps resentment, aggression, anger, arguing, jealousy, bigotry and exclusiveness/racism in with the 'big' sins.

Why is it so difficult for us Christians to admit, or recognize sin and things in our life that shouldn't be there? It seems that as long as we don't have the 'biggie sins' in our life we think everything is okay. The 'lessor sins' Paul lists we prefer to explain away as our human nature or our personality rather than our sinful nature or our sinful personality. OUCH!

I've had this discussion with a friend whose response was, "we can't be perfect". Perfect is an over used word, I wish we could get back to using the word Christ-like.

Galatians 5:21-22 (NLT)When the Holy Spirit controls our lives, he will produce this kind of fruit in us: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

I want to be Christ-like in an environment that is overflowing with sinful nature. I'm praying and believing that the Holy Spirit is helping me replace the sinful things of Gal 5:19-20 with the Christ-like things of Galatians 5:22-23.

If I die with aspects of the sinful nature of Galatians 5:19-20, what happens when I get to heaven where there is no sin?
Does my sin meter just automatically go back to zero when I reach the pearly gates?
Does the sin meter go back to zero when I get to heaven with a sin score of less than 3?
What if my sin meter is more than 3?

So back to the original question. Who are the grateful dead?
How can I be gratefully dead?

This I do know, the lower my sinful nature meter when I get to the pearly gates the more grateful I'll be.

Rock On Dead Heads
(p.s. WWJD)

Kim Angela


Authors Note: Okay all you theological friends, I'm open to your comments and discussions.

White Envelope Moments

While the intention of my blog is to share my journey with the Lord, I also want to be an encouragement to others. My journey to become a Galatians 5 woman has taken me over many paths, molding me into who I am today. Since the response to the Bag Lady blogs was very kind, I thought that I'd share a few more white envelope moments I've experienced along the path of life.

White envelope moments are events or happenings that impact your life because you or someone else did something that made a difference. In the Bag Lady blog I shared about difficult financial times my family experienced in the late '70's that were impacted by a white envelope moment. I'd like to share the first white envelope moment from that time in our life.


The reality of bankruptcy sunk in as vehicles were repossessed and cash flow dried up. Life as we knew it was ending, but my Mom was praying. She tells how one day being very anxious and worried about the bankruptcy she simply prayed the following, "Lord, please have someone put something, anything in a white envelope and give it to me. Then I'll know that you'll bring us through this storm." A few days later close friends, Haven & Madeline, invited my parents out for coffee, picking them up at the house as we had no working vehicle. At the end of the evening Madeline handed Mom a white envelope, inside was a twenty dollar bill. Here was a couple that didn't have $20 to spare, yet felt compelled by the Lord to put it in a white envelope and give it to their friends. They listened and acted upon what the Lord told them to do.

What if they hadn't listened to the Lord? After all what is $20 in a white envelope when we needed thousands to resolve the bankruptcy? That white envelope with $20 was the answer and sign to our family that no matter what the circumstances looked like, God was going to bring us though.

It doesn't have to be money.

Last month I offered to write copy for a friend's project. While I don't have his gifting I was able to use my gifting to provide assistance. It didn't cost me anything but a bit of my time. A few weeks after the project I was talking to his wife, she referred to the copy I wrote as another little white envelope for them. You know, I hadn't thought about it but it was a white envelope answer to a need they had.

It doesn't even have to be in a white envelope.

Don't assume that white envelope moments have to come dressed up as a white envelope with a hundred dollars inside. Last week a friend sent me an email 'hug' on a day when I really needed to know that someone besides my family was thinking about me. It was a white envelope moment.

I've mentioned in a previous blog there are two types of people reading this blog:

1. Those that need a white envelope moment.
2. Those that can provide a white envelope moment.

Of course there may be a third type ~ those that fall into both groups.

God is able. He is God of the impossible & the possible. Yet, He still needs our assistance. While he is capable of creating money from plain paper, a true story for another blog, that isn't the norm. The Lord needs you to fulfill someone else's white envelope need.

Have you ever felt impressed to call a friend? Did you think you should have sent a "Hi" email to a family member? Have you felt like you need to pray for your co-worker? Are you to bake cookies for your new neighbor? Nothing is a coincidence in God's Kingdom. That nudge to do something is from Him, don't blow it off.


Currently I have a number of friends that are in need of white envelope moments. There are sick children, ill parents, pregnancy needs and the jobless all in need of a moment. After reviewing their circumstances they may want to give in to the three D's: defeat, despair & despondency. On the surface it would appear that there is nothing in the natural that you or I can do to fix the problem. I wanted to encourage you that your white envelope moment is on its way. When it arrives it may not resolve your situation, but it is a concrete reminder that God is in control, working out every detail and He knows where you live.


My journey with the Lord is more than an a few hours spent with a group of people in a building. I want my journey with the Lord to be characterized by how I handle the white envelope moments in my life. The peace and confidence to know my Jesus will meet my need with a white envelope moment and the discernment to know when I'm supposed to supply a white envelope moment.

White envelope anyone?

Kim Angela
Authors Note: I would love to hear about your white envelope needs & your white envelope moments.